Post-Christmas Prayer (12.29.05)

And I shall enter Your house, which is the Word of Scripture, by any door and find a home. Safe passage to each inner cell of quiet, where I meet with You, O Christ. So touch my lips, so close, so open, that I may speak according to Your praise, that I may glory in Your grace. For unto us You have proven Yourself worthy of praise. We passed through fire and water, and not knowing; doubt has led us to the One beyond ourselves. And He whom we could not name has come and dwelt among us, and we have seen the Father's glory.

And I will doubtless lose this light and joy and question You in trial, and I will return and sacrifice. And all my hopes, and all my comforts, make it easy to praise now, but how will it be in the floodplain of the Jordan? When will I learn to bear the trial? When will I find You wholly, only Good? When will I learn to die for glory and yet live as gift, as grace?

When will I find You as the Giver not simply as the One who seeks? Who formed us for Himself, not to draw from us as if He had any need, but so He might give of the only good there is – Himself – and we might give that good back as praise, and, in our distinctness, magnify – our separate life as flame inhabited by Yours so the Gift and Giver become one in the one to whom the gift is given: our selves, who give it back as all we have.

And we have fallen far from You. And I can only rest in silence, and pine for the division in our separation. My Spirit longs for Your Spirit, deep calls to deep. Ever full in Him, I am ever being filled – give of Your fullness, drop by drop.

Until I cannot speak, I write. Until I know. I am not finished, Lord. I cry for You to begin.